Uh, This...and Stuff...

Boobs, on the Internet...Vancouver Canucks....the, and...Ben Eager (ha)...Game 2...Western...nipple.

(NSFW and stuff) Here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Breast Stanley Cup Playoffs ever.

(Pic via)

YAY JOURNALISM!!!

Now, this is a problem. Obviously, for those of you who followed this story at all, Purdue's mens basketball coach, Matt Painter, decided to shun the rolling hills of Mid-Missouri and stay with his alma mater. But, that sure was a tense few hours, eh? STL Today and many other outlets declared the search party over, after Coach Mike Anderson played the Show-Me State for saps a short few weeks ago. Painter was declared the coach as early as 11:45am on Wednesday, and the posted picture from STL Today was updated at 2:00pm that same day with a similar message. Andy Katz's sources must have been more reliable 50 minutes later, because, well, you know. STL Today, and others, quickly retracted their celebratory statements.

Opening Day, Hooray, Hooray!

It's Opening Day here in the Land of Opportunity, and you know what that means...? Six or seven months of your indifference while the bloated Major League Baseball schedule slowly-but-slowly plays out. But, hey, it's still better than cricket, eh ESPN?

Might as well jump.

Snooki's Shore Thing

So, apparently Nicole Polizzi, better known as Snooki from MTV's Jersey Shore show has written a book, A Shore Thing. It made the New York Times Bestsellers list at some point earlier this year.

Surely, since you are reading this, you are probably competent enough to use the Internets and have heard something about Jersey Shore by now. If not, basically, it is a documentary meant to show how evolution has struggled on the shores of New Jersey. It is no wonder why so many religious groups speak out against it (or at least they should).

Annnyway, this is a wonderful review of Ms. Snooki's book. The reviews on Amazon provide a wealth of entertainment, so I urge you to check them out. I would be providing a disservice if I were to attempt funny when so many people have already done such a wonderful job for me. Enjoy.

Ceaselessly Beating Tobey Maguire Into the Past

Sometimes, I will read books. Yes, I know, it is the 21st century, but bear with me. My favorite book is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby for various reasons that aren't important at the moment. I have watched every movie version of the book, all of which are criticized by fan boys like me for leaving something out or doing something differently. So, you cannot imagine my joy at the announcement of another version of the movie currently in production. Announced in 2008 or something, it is supposed to release next year some time (but probably not).

In more recent versions of the movie, Nick Carraway, the investigative narrator of the story, has been played by Sam Waterston, and, oddly enough, very well by Paul Rudd. In the new Baz Luhrmann venture, everyone's favorite Peter Parker, Tobey Maguire, is slated to be the new Nick Carraway. But, why?.

Go ahead and jump...and feel my rage.

Domestic Assault Isn't Funny (Unless Shown in Creative PSAs That Happen to be Funny)

This is the look of a man whose coffee has just been spilled

I know I am probably late on this, but bear with me. Calgary Home Front, self proclaimed as "united in breaking the cycle of domestic violence," may have created the best PSAs to date (I'm told these are from 2003). This video features a man eating with his kids. Within the clip, the classic line of "She spilled my coffee" is spoken, followed by a beat down of epic proportions, and pouring coffee all over the snarky waitress. The ending is great only because the kids to do not act like anything has happened (nor does anyone else in the restaurant). A strong, strong message sent, but nonetheless a hilariously ridiculous situation.

More after the jump.

Xenophobia's Shining Moment

During a search for a motel room for my pseudo-vacation to Colorado I will never be able to afford, I found a motel that did not fit the qualifications of some of its past guests (but, oddly enough, it did fit my price range). This particular motel featured seven terrible reviews, the first three commenting on the gross carpet, smell of the room, quality of the bathroom linens, etc. Typical stuff. Since negativity helps me sleep at night, I continued to read the reviews, finding this one you see above. Apparently, encountering a "Swiss couple visiting our country" is a big no-no when on vacation. How dare these Swiss come to this country and stay at what seems to be one of the worst motels in the state of Colorado, this is OUR COUNTRY!!! You have to admit, it is refreshing to no longer see attacks on Mexicans or Middle-Eastern people, and on Europeans again... these things work in cycles.

So beware when going to Colorado because is not free from strange European visitors. Moral of the story: The guv'ment can't put up a fence around the entire east and west coasts soon enough.