Tales From Middle-Earth: The Sprint Center Just Wants To Be Loved

...and with just twenty cents per day, you can provide it with shoes and clean water.

Ah, the Sprint Center.  For those of you not familiar with the cereal bowl of dreams, allow me to enlighten you:  In the mid-2000s, some people more or less decided that Kemper Arena in Kansas City, Missouri was not doing all it could to attract a third (or fourth!) major professional sports team to Kansas City (what with all of the professional wrestling deaths and failing surrounding infrastructure).  So, a new arena (the Sprint Center) was imagined, designed, and built with help from the dream makers at AEG Imagineering with the intention of attracting large events to town and a NBA or NHL franchise. Since its opening in 2006, the building has hosted a multitude of events and is one of the most popular arenas in the United States.  But....it still remains that the NHL and NBA do not have teams here, as promised (or assumed, or said in passing-- I'm not a lawyer).  With the recent lockout of the NBA and the relocation of the NHL's Atlanta franchise to much smaller but hockey crazed/starved Winnipeg, Manitoba, the Sprint Center and Kansas City have come up in the almost bi- to tri-annual "Why is the Sprint Center and Kansas City so worthless?" discussions.  But really, it's not so worthless, and Kansas City is not as much of a shithole as some power line licking, nomadic, lonely, previously unemployed 'sports' writers would have you believe.

Those Jerks, Always Walking Over the Small Businessman

Look, I am not going to pretend like I know anything about the Casey Anthony trial because my only knowledge comes from hearing Nancy Grace put on her whole "LEMME JUSSAY" and "JUSTICE....for little Caylee...killed....and abandoned....in....the....woods" routine while passing relatives in the living room on my way to the kitchen.  As a heterosexual male with some sort of (any) life outside my house, I had absolutely no interest in the trial and questioned the morals of those that did, because, you see, I am an American, dammit.

What I do know is the only reason the Anthony trial was not as popular as the O.J. Simpson trial was because a car chase did not precede it.  Car chases are awesome, like this one, or this one, or these, ewww, even this one!!!  Oh man, how I do love a good car/tank chase.  (Sidenote: Worlds Wildest Police Chases, what a good ass show.)

But, that is not my point.  My point comes from what we see as a result of the trial.  It, uh, kind of brought out the worse in people and junk.

Go ahead and jump if you really care

Did You Hear About That Rob Bordson Trade?

Yes, it is.

But, for real, if you do not live in Canada or follow hockey, then you may not have heard.  In what is being called a blockbuster trade, The Philadelphia Flyers have sent 26 year old captain Mike Richards and 23 year old prospect Rob Bordson to the Los Angeles Kings in exchange for winger Wayne Simmonds, top prospect in hockey Brayden Schenn, and a 2012 2nd round draft pick.  Pretty exciting stuff.  But what of this Bordson fellow?  We shall explore.

If I ain't the worst that you've seen, so go ahead and jump.

Gatsby Character Profile: Because I Have a Microphone So You Will Listen To Everything I Have To Say

New feature, for as long as it lasts or as long as I care.  Whatever comes first.  Betting booths are now open.
As many of you may know, Australian director Baz Luhrmann will take a shot at the fourth (or fifth, depending on if you count lost films or count a straight to video release*) attempt at a movie of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.

Why have so many people attempted to make this book into a film, and why is no one content with the prior installments?  In short, the book touches on a lot of varying emotions while allowing the reader to partially identify with the narrator (Nick Carraway) because he just does not have a lot going on for him except his interactions with all of the characters to some extent.  It is a popular American novel, and loved by millions through many generations due to some sort of 'timeless' nature the book captures, and partying, lots and lots of partying.  Combined with the fact that everyone has an imagination of some sort, then BAM, you have got about a million different stage shows and film versions/parodies because everyone takes a different lesson from the book.  That's the short version.

What this feature intends to do is look at the cast (the seven most popular characters) of Luhrmann's upcoming film set to begin production sometime this year.  I will break down his choices and see if they are acceptable, because what I say matters in my mind.  Also, because Luhrmann dips into the vast talent pool of Australia, leading one to believe that he thinks that Americans had their chance and failed.  I will address this is once it occurs.  First up, Nick Carraway, the story's disconnected narrator and the semi-omniscient 'I' voice because Fitzgerald said so.

Go ahead and be borne back ceaselessly into the jump.

/dick joke

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

Go ahead and jump

Einhorn Is A Man

David Einhorn (not pictured)

This has certainly been a fun time in the world of baseball ownership, with the MLB taking over the assault-happy fanbased Los Angeles Dodgers due to the whole Divorce-gate issue and the Mets financial issues.  Well, the Mets may be able to soon have an owner-figure once again as Cayman Island reinsurer and part-time professional poker player (not a sport) David Einhorn may step in to take a majority ownership role.

Go ahead annnnnnd jump.

In the Double-D Challenge, Everyone is a Winner

Water wings just sound cool

It is easy to troll late-late night and early-early morning television and find bizarre and hilarious infomercials pushing products that probably do not work exactly how the TV shows.  It is also just as easy to spend an entire night poking fun of these items and the people that put on a bright smile to tell you how it changed their lives and will revolutionize the way people look at worthless crap.  Tonight, I will just present one of such items.

Go ahead, and...jump.